Day #142/365- Stage #4 = Acceptance...

 Well my friends, the day has come.  The official day of "change" has come and gone and the past is officially in the past.  I met the new principal today.  You will remember that at the end of this past school year, our dear principal informed us with the news that he was moving to a different school to finish out his career.  He was the man who hired me, was the only principal I ever worked for and was my biggest cheerleader when I forgot to be my own.  He was so well liked, funny, talented and brought about many wonderful changes to our school.  And today it hit me like a ton of bricks that he has officially left us.

Have you ever had a change in leadership where you work?  A new boss?  Maybe moved to a new place where you had to learn the ways of someone new?  Maybe I am incredibly naive (I am), but I never thought that at this point in my young career, I would already have to answer "Yes" to those questions.  I seriously thought he was going to be my principal forever!  Yes- very naive.

So today we (the team leaders for each grade level of my school) were invited to sit down with the new principal for a meeting.  A time to set goals, expectations and explain the changes that would occur in the next few weeks when school starts.  What I had no idea we would do was discuss the stages of grief.  Good grief let me explain.  The new principal sat us all down and passed out a packet.  She prefaced the packet by saying that we all go through different stages of grief.  I don't know about you, but when I hear the word grief, I usually associate it with death and dying (I cringe just writing those words) and most of all sadness. I had never thought of his leaving like a death or a loss.  But now I know it is completely normal to feel the way I was feeling these past few months because I was going through the stages of grief.  Who knew???  This new principal of mine opened my eyes to some new thinking today and I'm sure glad she did because now I can get on with things.

She explained that research shows when dealing with a death or loss that a person will #1- feel shock and disbelief (check that one off- I already went through it).  #2- feel anger (yep- I was pretty mad at him for choosing to leave us).  #3- feel sadness (um...crying like a baby rings a bell here).  #4- feel acceptance (I will come back to this one in a second).  Those are the four stages of grieving.  This entire time I have been grieving!?!  And the weirdest part is that the man didn't endure a demise, he just moved to a different school. In my mind I processed it like a death.  A loss.  And it's NORMAL to feel this way!  I am so thankful to my new principal for accepting the fact that this staff, these colleagues and friends of mine, are going to be all over the charts in regard to these stages of grief.  She told us that everyone processes it differently and at their own rate and that we all need to be mindful of the stages our colleagues are in. And that hopefully, with time, we can all get to that ever important Phase #4- ACCEPTANCE.

You know what?  Going into the meeting today, I was definitely stuck on Stage #3- Sadness.  Going into his office and not seeing him= sadness.  Going into his office, which has been decorated differently= sadness.  Thinking halfway through the meeting, "He really isn't coming"= sadness. After meeting with our new principal today and really listening to everything she said, I think I am finally over the last hurdle and have moved to Stage #4- Acceptance.  Our old principal is. not. coming. back.  I cannot change that.  What I can do is change the way I think about this change.  Don't resist it- accept it.  Don't fight it- embrace it.  Be optimistic.  Hopeful.  Open-minded.  "If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."  (Mary Engelbreit)

Wow!  Thank you Dr. B for opening my mind to this new way of thinking.  It was hard to talk about the finality of him not returning today.  It was hard to hear you say that we have to look at this as a time of letting go so that we may start something new.  That could not have been easy for you to say to us, having met us for the first time.  But honestly?  We needed a bit of tough love and someone to say it. To acknowledge it.  Because by acknowledging it, I am transitioning from stage to stage and I am now understanding that this is the healthy way to "change" and ACCEPT. 

Thank you for knowing and accepting that this hasn't been easy for many of us.  Thank you for understanding that this change has done a number on some of us.  Thank you for being patient with us as we transition and end a lovely chapter in this book we call "Life."  I'm Soaking Up The Sunnyside of knowing that the last chapter was fabulous and fun and memorable.  I'm also Soaking Up The Sunnyside of knowing that this next chapter is going to be an adventure.  And who knows what the plot will be!  Yes- we have a new "Main Character," but the remaining cast of characters is pretty much the same and that gives me peace.  We are going to be just fine.  We just have to turn the page and let our new story begin.  One page at a time.