Day #135/365- Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid...

Dear Snake,

I must have missed the memo explaining that you would be visiting today and you know how much I love surprises!  I will go back and check my inbox, but I am pretty sure I never received it. So I would just like to personally thank you for causing me to freeze in fear this afternoon as I got out of my car.  I opened up the garage door and much to my "unplanned" surprise, I had a visitor.  There you were- a thin, not too long (thank you Jesus), black slithery YOU right at my feet as I'm trying to enter my house.  As I shrieked very audibly and chased you away, you went the wrong direction!?!  You went and hid yourself right next to the sidewalk that goes up to the front door of the house.  I thought I have told you to stick to the backyard?!?  Well, since you forgot, I freaked out and almost put myself on house arrest.  The mailman came and I couldn't go out and fetch my mail because of you.  I had to call my mother and boo-hoo like a thirty-year-old baby because of you.  I had to feel scared and get all shaky because of you.  Are you happy?  Is that what you wanted to accomplish with your uninvited visit???

Well, needless to say, I finally grew tired of worrying about where you were and what you were doing and took a short nap.  The stress you caused me made me tired!  I listened to a little Josh Groban before laying down because he always makes me feel better- unlike you. When I woke up, the most amazing thing happened!  I didn't feel as afraid of you anymore.  I once heard that fear will cripple you if you let it. So, not wanting to be crippled, I took myself off of house arrest (that's the Sunnyside of all of this- by the way) and decided to rejoin society with the thought of a skinny, slithering snake by my side. 

I just wanted to let you know, that thanks to your visit, I have to be crazy again, which means my neighbors are going to think I am nuts!  I am back to slamming the front door shut from the inside, just to jolt you a little bit and let you know I'm coming.  While walking down the sidewalk, I am stomping and kind of "marching" to make lots of sounds and vibrations you can feel.  I read that snakes don't see, they just hear very well.  Is that true?  I'm going with it (true or not) and making lots of sounds so we can live peacefully with each other.  I will explain it to my neighbors the next time I see them so that they don't think I have gone certifiably CRAZY.  I will also explain the stench to them tomorrow when I lay down my ammunition.  That's right, you have forced me to get my snake kit out again- moth balls and Snake Away (some thing they sell at home depot that you spread around).  Trust me, I hate the smell as much as you, but you brought this on yourself buddy.  The last piece to my "kit" is something new.  Bee spray.  Mom told me tonight that I can spray you with it from far distances because that stuff shoots like a cannon and it will stun you to the point that...  (foreshadowing to the finale). 

One more thing.  I sent you a picture from inside the house (since you will NEVER get to see the likes of it).  If the bee spray works like the say it will...

I actually might muster up the courage to use it. So be afraid.  Be very afraid. 

With The Most Sincerest Of Slithery Snake Love,